Before long, she’d moved to Hollywood, finding leading roles in movies like “Scream” and “Jawbreaker.” She began dating high-profile men such as Marilyn Manson and director Robert Rodriguez, whom McGowan calls only “RR.” When she returned home, her father demanded $300 a month in rent so she began gigging as an extra for $35 a day. I know I was because I basically was the same as I am now, and I tend to unnerve people to this day.”Ī runaway at 13, McGowan lived for a year on the street. “I’m sure I was unnerving as a child because of my intensity. Her schoolmates couldn’t understand her odd upbringing and she lashed out, still describing their “proverbial white picket fence” backgrounds as equally dangerous, “a different kind of cult.” After the family returned to America, where they split time between Oregon and Colorado, she felt out of place. When the cult began promoting sex between children and adults, McGowan’s father decided to leave. I told myself if I were just perfect enough, I’d be okay.” When she was 4 a cult elder spotted a wart on her thumb and sliced it off with a razor blade, beginning “a narrative that with my head for years, that of perfection as self-protection. McGowan’s father led the Italian branch and McGowan remembers being forced to declare her acceptance of God, lest she be beaten. ![]() That was after her family split from the Children of God. Still, as she describes her formative years it is clear that McGowan, 44, has always viewed herself as a defiant spirit and still takes pride in the fact that she grew angry over being made to wear a pink smock at school while the boys got blue ones. Using a brash tone that will be familiar to the millions who follow her on Twitter, McGowan describes her life, starting with the girlhood years she spent in a religious cult (“I was told I was worth nothing in the eyes of God”), the eating disorder she suffered as a teen (“I was never able to get below 92 pounds”), and her decision to legally emancipate herself from her parents at 15. ![]() The alleged sexual assault was the culmination of years of torment for McGowan, and “Brave” begins at the beginning. In this tiny room with this huge man, my mind is blank. Detached from my body, I hover up under the ceiling, watching myself sitting on the edge of the tub, against a wall, held in place by the Monster whose face is between my legs, trapped by a beast. “I did what so many who experience trauma do, I disassociated and left my body. She pretended to have an orgasm in an attempt to end the experience. After picking her up and putting her on the edge of the Jacuzzi, she writes, he forced her legs open and performed oral sex on her while masturbating. Once she was inside his hotel room, Weinstein offered to show her the hot tub, and before long, she writes, he had pushed her into a steamy room and begun stripping her clothes off.
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